Filed under: Children
- All sweetness
I hear people say that Ibby has my flat nose, CW’s small eyes (which aren’t really that small lah–they just disappear when he smiles), and his face shape (round cheeks and pointed chin) and I start to worry. It is hard enough for an attractive girl to grow up in this world with her confidence intact–how much harder would it be for my daughter! I reassure her (and myself) that her Creator ranks a quiet and gentle spirit and the fear of her God above charm and beauty, but I know she would need the long-sightedness of age to see this.
I am a woman so I will always think that men have it easier. I mourn the years I spent trying to be what the world said a worthy woman should be and how she should look like. I remember groping my way around life, not really knowing what I wanted for myself. Even in church, I so often hear that the best thing I could aim for was to be a Proverbs 31 woman. And if I took that literally–which many of us do–that meant that my life and efforts had to revolve around my husband and my family and our household. But I know in my heart that Jesus didn’t create us to be Marthas, and that He looked on Mary with favor. She who sat at his feet and seemingly did nothing but hang on to His every word, had chosen what was better; she chose to fix her heart and eyes on Jesus.
So how can a girl live through life unscathed? If I examine the women I know who radiate an unassailable beauty, I suspect I will find one common trait: self esteem. As a Christian, my self worth is always found in the cross of my God. As fellow traveller on earth, I would define self esteem as the confidence I have in my competency to face challenges and self respect. As a parent, I know I have to work hard to nurture strong roots in my children that will ground them regardless of where their wings take them. Is our home a safe place to grow up physically and emotionally? Do they know they are special and valuable and beloved even if their friendships fail? Do they believe they can surmount life’s problems, or at least have steel enough to learn from their failures? Do they love themselves enough to trust their own instincts? Do they live with purpose (by God’s grace, His purpose)? Instead of just focussing on report cards, I want to keep asking myself these questions. And honestly, even if they ended up as taxi drivers (Singaporean mothers shudder), I would be content if Ibby and Ian can say yes to all of the above.
Many in the generation before us had children and then waited for them to become sensible adults. The world we live in today doesn’t allow us to adopt the same childrearing methods. There are so many voices and value shifts that it has become ever more difficult to discover and decide what really matters. I am terrified for my young ones. I cannot bear the thought of them confused, bullied, and jostled by the world’s untruths, but I know I can only keep them safe for that long. And I know that they will have to turn the corner themselves and find their own way. So for now, and forever more, I will love them with all my heart and respect them as human beings made in the image of God and live, with His help, a consistent, God-fearing life. If there is one thing I will ask of them, it will be that they love Jesus. Then, everything else will fall into place.
For the record, I think my little girl is exquisite from the tips of her crazy hair to the ends of her fleshy toes. Small eyes, thunder thighs and all, she is wonderfully and fearfully and lovingly made. I pray that I will never stop telling her that, and that she will never stop believing me.
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